Control and Coordination
The Illusion of Control: How Trying to Get It Right Makes Everything Go Wrong
The Trap of Perfectionism
We all know that feeling—the pull to get things just right, whether it’s how we sit, how we speak, how we perform in life’s many roles. The constant pressure to perfect our every action, to present ourselves flawlessly, to control the details. We live in a world that rewards precision, attention to detail, and perfectionism. But here’s the paradox: the harder we try to “get it right,” the more we push ourselves into tension, stress, and frustration.
The quest for perfection sounds noble, even admirable. After all, who wouldn’t want to be the best version of themselves? But when you dig a little deeper, you’ll find that the desire to get things right is often the very thing that sabotages us. The more we strive for control, the more we lose our connection to the present moment—and to the ease that allows us to actually get it right.
The “Right” Way is Often the Wrong Way
The Alexander Technique invites us to rethink the whole notion of “getting it right.” It teaches us that the body—and the mind—function best when we stop trying to control them and start allowing them to move freely. Trying to get it right often means we’re squeezing, bracing, and forcing our bodies into shapes or movements that are unnatural, just to meet an imagined standard.
When we focus on controlling our posture, our speech, or our expression, we add layers of unnecessary tension. That “right” posture? It might not be right for you. That rigid attempt to be present? It might block the very connection you’re trying to create.
The trick isn’t to control every movement. The trick is to allow yourself to move.
Letting Go of Control: The Subtle Art of Inhibition
One of the central ideas in the Alexander Technique is inhibition—the ability to pause before reacting. This pause allows us to stop the habitual response of trying to “fix” ourselves. Instead of tensing up or forcing things, we create space in our body and mind. It’s not about doing less—it’s about doing less, so we can allow ourselves to move in a more fluid, responsive way.
By practicing inhibition, we teach our nervous system to let go of the reflexive urge to control, to make everything “right.” The paradox is that when we stop forcing, we actually become more coordinated, more present, and more effective in the way we move, speak, and engage with the world. This allows us to experience the joy and ease of movement and expression, without the weight of striving.
Control vs. Coordination: The Subtle Difference
There’s a significant difference between control and coordination. Control is rigid. It seeks certainty. It demands exactness. Coordination, on the other hand, is flexible. It adapts. It flows. It’s about creating ease and efficiency, rather than forcing a perfect outcome.
When we coordinate our movements—when we allow our body to move with ease, without the tight grip of control—we give ourselves the opportunity to perform tasks and interact with others in a way that feels natural and authentic. The result? We don’t just get it right; we are right—because we’re aligned with our body’s natural intelligence.
The Cost of Getting It Right
There’s a hidden cost to the obsession with getting it right. It’s not just physical tension that builds up in the body; it’s emotional strain too. The constant self-monitoring, the feeling of never being “enough,” the fear of making a mistake—it all takes its toll. We end up in a loop where we’re not truly engaging with life, but simply trying to survive it.
By letting go of the need to be perfect, we free ourselves from that loop. We allow our actions to come from a place of ease, fluidity, and natural presence. This is the real breakthrough of the Alexander Technique: it teaches us that to get it right, we must first learn to stop trying so hard to control everything.
The Freedom of Uncertainty
One of the most liberating aspects of the Alexander Technique is the understanding that uncertainty is not a threat to be avoided—it’s an essential part of the process. Life is full of unpredictable moments, whether it’s a conversation, a dance, or a performance. The more we embrace this uncertainty, the more we can move through it with confidence and ease.
This doesn’t mean that we’re unprepared or unaware—it means that we’re willing to respond to the moment, rather than rigidly trying to control it. By trusting our ability to adapt and respond in the present, we open up a space for true creativity and connection.
Practice: The Power of Non-Doing
Try this simple practice the next time you feel yourself trying too hard to get it right:
- Pause—literally stop what you’re doing for a moment. Take a breath.
- Notice your body. How are you holding yourself? Are you gripping, bracing, or forcing?
- Release tension by imagining your body softening. Let go of the effort to control.
- Move—but do so with awareness. Don’t force anything. Just allow your body to follow the natural flow.
This practice helps you break the cycle of control and tap into a more spontaneous, fluid way of moving and being. The more you practice this, the more you’ll notice the freedom that comes with letting go of the need to “get it right.”
The Paradox of Getting It Right
In the end, the quest to get it right often prevents us from experiencing life in its fullness. By shifting our focus from control to coordination, from perfection to presence, we free ourselves from the weight of always trying to be perfect. And that’s when we can truly get it right—by simply being who we are, without the pressure of needing to be anything else.